This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
