I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
BRING THE BAGELS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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