im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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