The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
