i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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