Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
