You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
