She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
