is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i will never coherently bang her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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