And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
