Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
