who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
