I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
