grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
