can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
