I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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