Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
