The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
