you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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