I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
