not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
