How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I want is dick and wine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
