3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
