So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
