my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
