I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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