God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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