I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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