he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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