wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
