he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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