I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
