Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm both gender and math confused
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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