Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
