I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
