I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
