Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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