I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
