i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
