hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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