She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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