why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
