sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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