Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
