I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
