Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
