Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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