if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
