just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
