She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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