xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
