Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She needs sedatives and a leash
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize