Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
