Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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