Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
