Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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