Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
