meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
