Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
