I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
