I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no. you can't hotbox the world.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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