when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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