the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
