Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
