So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize