I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
