I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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