i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He passed out mid-signature
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
