Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
