I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
