I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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