It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
