You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
