I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
