Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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