I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
