just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
