Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
