can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
