no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
