I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
